How Churches can address domestic violence

The May issue of The Lutheran has a great article of the role churches can play in addressing domestic violence.  Many of our clients have a strong faith and turn to their church for support.  Some do a great job in supporting them, some focus so much on keeping the family together which can further endanger the victim.  For anyone in a leadership position in a church of any faith, I encourage you to find a copy of the article and read it.

Restraining orders/orders of protection

I have been going through the Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse Course as I posted about a few days ago.  Module XIII talks a lot about crafting orders of protection that address anything that might pull the parties back together such as the victim needing child support to care for the children, or the defendant/respondent wanting to see the children.  WI's restraining order laws prohibit including any orders besides orders prohibiting contact or further acts of domestic violence which is contrary to Illinois which includes placement and other family law orders in their restraining orders.

Before reading this module I was adamantly against restraining orders that included family law orders.  I worked with a woman once who was trying to get a restraining order here in WI after she had fled from IL and in the meantime, the father of her child filed for and obtained a temporary restraining order in IL gaining temporary placement of their child.  At the time I was frustrated with a system that would grant placement (even on a temporary basis) to a parent without even a hearing where both parents could provide evidence.

I also have lost much confidence in our court system when judges and commissioners make placement orders which give an abusive parent significant time and often make a schedule that maximizes the number of exchanges and thus the number of opportunities for the abusive parent to continue the abuse.  So I fear that in the context of a half hour restraining order hearing, a commissioner would not be able to gather enough evidence (especially when one or both parties are pro se) to make a good order about placement.

All that said, this Module makes some very good points about addressing all the things that pull parties back together.  With clear orders about how to exchange property, child support, and placement, the court is taking away respondents' excuses for initiating contact and can more easily hold the respondent accountable for violations.  So I don't know what to think.

The Law of the Garbage Truck by David J. Pollay

Click here to read about The Law of the Garbage Truck.  It takes a new perspective on life.  When I was at the DA's office, I saw this posted on someone's door and really liked it so thought I would share....  Enjoy!

Huge Responsibility of an Interpreter

After sitting through a court trial where one of the witnesses needed an interpreter I was reminded of the huge responsibility of an interpreter.  All it takes is one slight misinterpretation to throw off communication and in the case of a trial possibly affect the outcome.  Even the best of interpreters cannot be perfect so utilizing highly qualified interpreters doesn't even solve this problem.

Sexual Assaults

As sexual assault month and National Denim Day, it seems appropriate that today's post focus on sexual violence.  Today I received notice of a web course on sexual violence aimed at judges and the court system called Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse which I have started and found full of really good information.  (It is a free course available to anyone and if you don't have the time to go through it all, you can easily skip to the parts most interesting to you.)

In that web course there was a question that really got me thinking that I wanted to share:


When you are listening to a victim of intimate partner sexual abuse give her account on the stand, what questions do you ask yourself? Do you think to yourself, Why doesn't she just say 'no'? or Why doesn't she leave? Would you think to ask, Why doesn't he leave her alone?

Elevator Operators

Click here for an article on two of the last elevator operators in Milwaukee.  I used to work in this building and chatted with these two fellows daily.

The importance of self-care

I've been learning the significant importance of self-care when doing the work I do.  The amount of stuff thrown at me at any given time added to the very difficult stories I hear can make a person go crazy.  Fortunately spring is upon us, or at least it feels like it.  It's probably a bit early to think winter is over but the temps in the 60s and 70s are wonderful.  So planning of my garden has begun and this past weekend I was able to start some plants from seed in my sun room and spend some time in the garden plot digging out weeds and old plants.  I think I spent 5 hours outside on Sunday alone.  Gardening I'm discovering is a great de-stresser for me just like hanging laundry outside (which I also did this weekend).  I was amazed at how relaxed I was going into work on Monday.

Now every morning, I walk through my sunroom looking for sprouts and in the evening spend more time watering and just enjoying them.  I also set up my composter that my parents bought me for Christmas.  And it is fun to spin, so that has become a part of my daily evening routine.

Anyway, just thought I would share a few of my de-stressers.  I hope all of you have found ways to take care of yourself.

Children see. Children do.

This video clip speaks for itself.

Child Abuse and Neglect Cost the United States $124 Billion

Click on the title of this post to read the press release put out by CDC on how much child abuse and neglect costs our nation. If the effect child abuse has on children isn't reason enough to step in and change things, the cost to our health care, legal, and social services systems should make every taxpayer want to act.

Our systems are so reactive and do little to prevent it from happening in the first place. Social services is hesitant to remove a child because they are so focused on keeping the family together and so further abuse happens. Family courts need hard proof of serious abuse happening before they even considered supervised placement or hold opens on placement for the abusive parents. As unfair as this may sound, we need to stop giving second (and third and fourth and fifth, etc.) chances when the safety of children are involved. And we need to look at the statistics that say a parent who is abusive towards the other parent is far more likely to be abusive towards the children. Our children deserve better. And parents' rights should not be put above children's needs and rights.

Listen carefully

Advocates for victims of domestic violence can be so passionate, myself included, that we sometimes forget to listen.  No one knows their abuser like the victim him/herself.  What we think to be best for a victim might further endanger a victim.  What we suggest may not be something the victim is comfortable with.  And regardless of whether the victim asks directly "What do you think I should do?" they may be listening very carefully to what we are saying and reply with what they think we want to hear.

It's important that we sit back and listen more and talk less.  It's important that we don't dictate solutions but help victims come up with their own solutions.  It's important that we remember that not all victims are ready to separate from the abuser for many reasons.  It's important that we listen.

Defensive wounds

Unless they are 2 years old, people don't just go out and bite people so it is always troubling when I hear cases where the police arrested someone for biting the other person or worse, charge them with a crime for biting someone. Bite marks and usually scratches are defensive wounds typically in reaction to being strangled or physically restrained. I really wish that when police heard the allegation that someone bit them, they would take the time to figure out why.

Court Fees

Everyone has equal access to the courts, that is, IF you have money.  I have often been troubled by the fact that many hesitate to use the legal system because they can't afford all the fees and costs associated with it.

For example, imagine a mother who has some concerns about the safety of her children while they have placement with their father.  Maybe the children are returning with bruises.  Maybe the children return starving and dirty.  Maybe the mother has recently learned that the father has been seen doing drugs while his children are there.  The mother may report these things to the police and/or child protective services.  But what if this isn't quite enough for child protective services to step in and do something?

In Washington County, before even being allowed to file a motion to modify placement, the mother would have to request mediation (which has a fee).  After mediation fails, she would be able to file a motion (which has fees) and before even having a hearing the court almost always appoints a guardian ad litem (which requires a $1000 deposit which the party initiating the action pays).  And depending on the case and the guardian ad litem, the parties would likely be ordered to pay additional money for the guardian ad litem.  Then often a home custody study is ordered (which has a substantial fee).

If a fee waiver is approved, the filing fee and part of the mediation fee can be waived.  Even the guardian ad litem deposit can be waived.  But regardless of ability to pay at the end of the case, the parties are typically ordered to pay back guardian ad litem fees and home custody study fees.

Now, imagine that the mother recently separated from an abusive partner who is also the father of her children. Her abusive partner likely did not allow her to work and did not give her access to the money.  She is likely struggling to keep a roof over her and her children's heads.  How would she pay back the court for these fees?

Funding for non-profits

With the economy and the debt crisis at both the state and national level, non-profits are struggling to make ends meet.  Corporate donors are cutting their donations.  Government grants are dwindling.  Everyone is being forced to make difficult decisions.

To those that can afford to, please donate to your local domestic violence organizations, homeless shelters, and other charities.  We need to take care of those less fortunate than us.

The power of a legal advocate

I may change my mind many more times but right now I'm not sure that law school is the right avenue.  There are times an attorney is necessary and there are times when what a victim needs most is support.  It's very difficult if not impossible to be both an attorney and a support to the victim.

Now if only we can convince the government to stop cutting funding as the need for our services only becomes greater....

Taxes - Married filing separately

I learned something new yesterday.  As a common law state, in Wisconsin, married couples can file taxes as married filing separately and choose to each file half of each other's income.  If one party decides to file that way, both parties must file that way.  This means that if one party earns $100,000 a year and the other party earns $10,000 a year, then both parties would claim $55,000 of income on their taxes.  The party only earning $10,000 would likely find it VERY difficult to come up with all the tax that would be due especially if the parties are separated or going through a divorce.  So this is something that really needs to be thought through before court orders specify how the parties will file their taxes.

Why does he do that?

I am in the middle of reading the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. He does an incredible job of explaining the dynamics of domestic violence and attempting to explain why abusive men are abusive.

Chapter 10 is a great chapter title "Abusive Men as Parents." At one point he discusses the mixed messages that society sends mothers who are victims of domestic violence and he said something that really struck me. He talks about how when mothers choose to stay with their abusive partners, child protection officials threaten to take their children away and claim that they are failing to protect their children. But then when a mother leaves her abusive partner and goes to the court regarding custody and physical placement, the court tells her that she can't keep the children away from their father. Washington County goes even further and says that 50/50 placement is in the best interests of the child. So it is not OK to stay and let her children be exposed to the violence but once you leave, you have no choice but to allow your children be exposed to the violence. How does that make any sense?

"Domestic Violence Claimed 58 Lives in Wisconsin" in 2010

Linked here is the Wisconsin Domestic Violence Homicide Report for 2010 put together by WCADV.  Hopefully, it makes people more aware of what is happening to so many victims so that victims can find people to reach out to before it is too late.

Charging Conferences

Washington County does things differently than many other counties in Wisconsin.  One difference that I appreciate is charging conferences.  After every arrest related to domestic violence, a charging conference is held (typically within one business day).  At the charging conference, the victim has the chance to meet with the a victim/witness advocate at the DA's office to give their input, tell their story, and know before they leave whether their perpetrator will be charged, given a citation, or warned.

Time Management

With my new position, I am really struggling with balancing my schedule and not burning out.  There are so many people who need legal assistance and only so much time in a day.  And prior to this I really haven't had much of a schedule to manage (at least a schedule that I could control).  In my last position, it was only a couple appointments a week at most.

I sat down with my executive director on Tuesday to discuss my problem and we had a good brainstorming session.  I also briefly talked to a former colleague and attorney who told me that it takes practice.

So here are some thoughts and I encourage any other suggestions.

If a hearing is scheduled for 2:00 p.m., I need to not attempt to do charging conferences at 1:30 as well and see if one of my colleagues is available to attend those charging conferences.

I would like to structure my schedule so that I am only providing legal information on legal matters besides restraining orders only a couple of times a week.  Ideally I would like to set up a schedule where these appointments are scheduled at a certain time every week (every Thursday evening and Tuesday mornings) and only agree to see a set number of people each week.

I need to make sure I'm doing adequate screening over the phone so that I refer cases that are beyond me to an attorney right away.  I think I do this pretty well but it something I need to keep in the back of my mind.

I need to block of some time soon to organize my office and set up a better system for keeping track of current clients, resources, etc.

I also hope that my supervisor can find a legal advocate who I can connect with for more ideas.

Well, that's a start.

Monsters in the Closet

This video speaks for itself.