Change is good

Change can be very difficult as we find comfort in the routine.  And in those moments of change it can be very difficult to remember that change is an important part of our lives and can bring great things.  I write this blog post in anticipation of the things to come.  On Monday, I start a new job.  I will be working as a legal assistant for a small law firm that focuses primarily on family law but handles a variety of other types of cases as well.  I'm excited about working for this firm especially because the attorneys seem to be very focused on clients and doing what is just and right for the children.  Plus you can't beat the commute.  I will be saving 6.5 hours a week alone in commuting.  The commuting never bothered me before but now I wonder what I could have been doing in those 6.5 hours each week.

I imagine the topics of my posts may change some as I am not in the trenches of the domestic violence world (although I recognize domestic violence and family law overlap significantly) but we shall see.

In these last few days, I'm looking forward to enjoying my time now that I have found a job.  I have been immersing myself in poetry much of today and look forward to writing some more of my own poetry over the next few days.

Lundy Bancroft and Janet Johnston

At a recent training, Lundy Bancroft mentioned Janet Johnston which has caused a bit of a stir with a few members of our community.  Bancroft did not go into detail at the training but referenced his book The Batterer as Parent where he spends an entire chapter discussing Janet Johnston's research.  As I couldn't find our copy of the book, I found online a blog post by Bancroft that addresses this very thing.  About half way through the post in the section titled, "The Connection Between Battering and Child Abuse" Bancroft discusses the typologies identified by Johnston and the issues he sees with using these typologies to assess risk in child custody and placement cases.  The AFCC (Association of Family and Conciliation Courts) used Johnston's research on these typologies in developing their risk assessment.

Lundy Bancroft

Our organization had the pleasure of hosting a training led by Lundy Bancroft last month who has extensive experience in batterer's treatment and domestic violence and has published several excellent books.  We refer many of our clients to his book entitled Why Does He Do That?.  The Batterer as Parent is a great resource for professionals working with victims of domestic violence and their families.  Below are some key messages I took from the training led by Lundy Bancroft.

Overlap of abuse towards mother and child abuse

• 49% of batterers also physically abuse the children
• Batterers are 7 times more likely to physically abuse the children than a non-batterer
• Batterers are 6 times more likely to sexually abuse children than a non-batterer

 How the batterer appears in court or when meeting with professionals

• Will deny/minimize allegations of domestic violence
• Make allegations that the mother has mental health problems, abuses alcohol or drugs, or is an unfit parent
• Will commonly appear as the friendly parent
• Skillfully dishonest and manipulative which professionals may not recognize
• Will usually outperform victim in psychological tests – there is no psych test that will show someone is a batterer
• Will not seem capable of the kind of cruelty or abuse being accused of
• Very good under observation
• Will appear very calm when meeting with professionals like an officer immediately following an incident – batterers are very controlled in their behaviors even though at times they may appear out of control – an example – when he destroys things, he avoids destroying his own belongings

How the victim appears in court or when meeting with professionals

• May not appear to be a good parent as the batterer typical undermines and interferes with her parenting
• Often do not perform well on psychological tests which are usually only about 70% accurate in evaluating mental health and usually do not relate the results to the individual’s ability to parent
• Typically not good witnesses

 Impact of battering on children

• Batterer often causes divisions in the family affecting children’s relationships with their siblings and with their mother
• They learn by example the values and behaviors that lead to perpetration or victimization
• Separation increases the chances of children witnessing violence as it often occurs during exchanges
• Children are often used as weapons or tools to continue the abuse

 Other comments by Lundy Bancroft

• Domestic violence is not a relationship problem, it is a battering problem.
• Our legal system sends victims mixed messages – if they stay with an abusive partner they are failing to protect the children; if they leave, the abusive partner is granted extensive unsupervised placement with the children leaving the victim unable to protect her children
• Children heal through repairing their connection to the non-abusive parent and their siblings.  They also heal through increased safety and establishing loving, appropriate relationships with adults.
• The risk of a boy becoming a perpetrator is directly related to whether the boy grew up believing the violence was the non-abusive parent’s fault or whether the abusive parent had to take responsibility.
• Victims tend to give up financial orders (maintenance, child support, property division, etc.) in order to get custody and placement.  This often backfires as most financial orders cannot be modified at a later date but custody and placement can be modified.  With the lack of favorable financial orders, the victim doesn’t have the financial resources to fight it when the batterer keeps bringing them back to court to modify custody and placement.

Actions of Ordinary People Offer Hope

Click on the following article titled:  Tim Gruenke:  Actions of Ordinary People Offer Hope from the LaCrosse Tribune.  This article is a great reminder of why we do what we do.

No contact orders

I recently learned that no contact orders that are a condition of bond are not in effect when a defendant is in custody so I spent some time focusing on increasing my understanding of various no contact orders and what they can do to protect a victim.  Please note that I work in WI and so all of these no contact orders are specific to WI.  Other states will have varying laws which may or may not be the same as WI's laws.

No contact orders at the time of arrest
72 hour no contact order:  This is an order entered at the time of arrest of a perpetrator of domestic violence.  The victim has the right to waive or enforce this no contact order.  This order stays in effect for the 72 hours regardless of whether criminal charges are filed unless the victim waives it in writing.  2011 WI Act 267 recently changed the laws regarding violations of this no contact order to a criminal charge (from a citation).

No contact orders during a pending criminal case
No contact order as a condition of bond (WI statutes Chapter 969):  This is a criminal no contact order that a judge can order (usually at the request of the DA).  Bond must be posted (and the defendant no longer in custody) for this order to be in effect.  This order can prohibit contact with a victim and the victim's residence at the discretion of the judge and can last up to the length of the case.  A violation results in bail jumping.

No contact order per WI Statutes 940.47:  This is a criminal no contact order entered by the judge (usually at the request of the DA) which can prohibit intimidation of victims or witnesses, in person contact with victims or witnesses, and/or communication with victims or witnesses.  A violation can result in intimidation of victims charges.  This criminal no contact order if entered is in effect regardless of whether bond has been posted.


Condition of a Deferred Prosecution Agreement (DPA):  If a defendant agrees to accept a DPA, a no contact order can be a part of that agreement.  If the defendant follows the conditions of this agreement, his case is dismissed after a set amount of time.  If he violates the conditions (including violating the no contact provision) of his DPA, he can be immediately found guilty and sentenced in that case.

No contact orders upon sentencing
No contact order as condition of probation:  If a defendant is sentenced to probation, a no contact order can be entered as part of the conditions of his probation.  My understanding is that this no contact order can be entered by the judge at the time of sentencing or by the probation officer.  If he violates, he can be arrested and his probation can be revoked.  Additionally it is my understanding that new laws allow the DA's office to enter criminal charges upon violation of this order as well.

Civil no contact orders
Civil temporary restraining orders and injunctions (WI Statutes Chapter 813):  This no contact order is separate from any criminal case and requires the victim to file a petition requesting a temporary restraining order that can last up to two weeks and then appear at a hearing to petition the court for an injunction that can last up to four years (depending on the type of petition filed).  The petitioner can specify exceptions to this no contact order to allow certain types of contact (which is often important in cases where the parties have minor children and need to be able to communicate in some safe way).  This type of no contact order is available to victims regardless of police contact or criminal charges.  A violation of this type of no contact order can result in immediate arrest and criminal charges.

It is important to remember that no contact orders can be an important part of a safety plan but cannot be the entire safety plan.  As we saw in the recent shooting in Brookfield, the perpetrator didn't care that there was an injunction in place.  That is not to say that all perpetrators will ignore no contact orders.  They work for many victims/survivors so it is important to listen to the victim/survivor carefully for what s/he thinks will keep him/her safe.  S/he is the one who knows the perpetrator the best.

Additionally, it may make sense for an individual to seek various no contact orders at once since they all provide slightly different protection.  Many of my clients chose to file for a civil restraining order even while there is a criminal no contact order as a condition of bond in place because criminal no contact orders are not long term orders and can disappear with little warning if the defendant pleads guilty.  So for those working victims/survivors it is important to understand the pros and cons of each type of no contact order so that victim/survivor can make an informed choice about what is going to keep him/her safe.

Please note that I am not an attorney and this post does not contain legal advice.  In this post, I am explaining my understanding of the no contact orders available to individuals in WI.  If any of the information above is not accurate, please comment on this post as my goal is to provide the most accurate information possible.

Domestic violence in popular culture

Years ago, I got into an online discussion about the song "Goodbye Earl" sung by the Dixie Chicks.  At the time I felt strongly against the song because of the violence it advocated.  I got a lot of negative feedback from people who told me I didn't understand what it was like to be a victim of domestic abuse.  I responded that I'm not judging what an individual victim may do to protect herself but instead am judging a message being put out by a famous country song that can be interpreted many very bad ways.

Now after three years working directly with victims of domestic and sexual violence, I don't pretend to know what they go through but it has given me a better understanding.  And with that better understanding my thoughts have not changed regarding that song.  I will not judge what an individual victim decides is best for him/her.  But I will not ever feel it is appropriate for popular culture to advocate violence.

There are other songs that follow this trend which I strongly do not agree with such as Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats."

Another song I would like to mention is Eminem (with Rihanna)' "Love the Way you Lie."  This song is not as clear cut to me because I feel it does bring up the conflicted emotions of a victim and the cycle they are stuck in both things that can bring awareness.  On the other hand it really romanticizes the violence and avoids accountability.  I feel like it sends the message that there are excuses for the violence and in my opinion there is no valid excuse for violence towards another individual.

Salon Shooting in Brookfield

There has been much to reflect on the last few weeks and absolutely no time to reflect so I hope that in the next weeks, I will have a number of blog posts to share with you.  Today though I feel the need to address the Salon Shooting in Brookfield, WI.

Like many, I poured over articles and searched for fingers to point, for ways the system failed this woman.  But then I was reminded of the lack of value in should statements.  If there is one thing that we, as advocates, law enforcement, court personnel, and most importantly as community members take from this it is that our work is not done.  I cannot control what someone else does and fretting over it does nothing but infuriate me.  I CAN control what I am doing for victims, survivors, friends, family members, neighbors, colleagues, etc.

So I encourage each one of us (myself included) to refocus our energies on the work we can do and the differences we make in others' lives.  And my thoughts go out to all of those affected by violence.

It's amazing how much more at peace I feel after one of the most stressful days by spending my drive home refocusing my energy and drafting this blog post in my head.  Now it is time to crawl in bed with a good book.

Taxes and Teachers

Click on this link to read Professor James Edward Maule's blog post from today entitled Taxes and Teachers.  Professor Maule's blog MauledAgain discusses a variety of tax topics and how they affect real people.  Even though I am not in the tax field at all, I enjoy reading his blog on occasion.  As a former teacher, this post really hit home.  I have boxes and boxes of stuff in my basement that I purchased for my classroom to enhance student learning and those boxes don't include all the stuff that was not reusable.  So many people are quick to bash teachers and the excessive salaries and benefits they supposedly receive without understanding the entire picture.  Each year schools are cutting the budgets for classroom supplies to the point where there is almost no budget for that.  One teacher I spoke to last spring stated that she was buying her own copy paper to print student materials because the school only provided enough for a few months of the school year!

Self-care weekend

If you love nature and enjoy camping, you should give this a try:  go camping all by yourself.  Just you, the birds, and stars.  That is where I spent my weekend. and it was well worth it.  It gave me a chance to truly relax, unplug from society's distractions, and rejuvenate.  I spent time writing, bird watching, walking the trails and along the shore, and just listening.

Mandated Reporters

There needs to be more training for mandated reporters.  It seems a far too frequent occurrence to hear a client say their child disclosed abuse to so and so and no report is every made.  If a doctor, nurse, school professional, therapist, etc. hears a disclosure of child abuse, witnesses child abuse, or witnesses signs of abuse (such as bruises in places kids don't normally get bruises), he or she is required by law to make a report to social services.

When I was a teacher, there was very limited training regarding this.  It was very briefly mentioned in one of my classes in college.  And I think it wasn't until half way through my second year of teaching that the school district mentioned it during an in service day.  Why aren't these individuals getting the training and support so that child abuse can be responded to as early as possible?

Representing a client who has experienced trauma

The National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health  published an attorney handbook for working with domestic violence survivors who also have mental health concerns.

It really focuses on trauma informed care and making sure the survivor is making her own decisions after assessing all the risks and benefits.  It also includes some thoughts on whether to bring up mental health concerns, how to cross examine the opposing party, and how to utilize experts.  It seems like an excellent resource for an attorney working with a domestic abuse survivor, especially one who also has mental health concerns.

The one frustration I see though is that private attorneys aren't usually willing to provide this type of time commitment to one client and a survivor likely does not have the resources to pay an attorney's hourly rate.  And with cuts in funding to nonprofit law firms, there just aren't enough public interest attorneys to handle these cases.

Cognitive Distortions

David Burns published a list of 10 Cognitive Distortions.  It has been helpful to review this list in analyzing my thinking patterns especially when negative thoughts take over my brain.  We all fall into these distortions from time to time whether it is related to how we view ourselves or how we view those around us.

Criminal Defense Attorneys as GALs

I have noticed a trend of criminal defense attorneys accepting roles as GALs (guardian ad litems).  From what I have seen they are good about not accepting assignments when there is a clear conflict of interest.  But I don't see how it is possible to let the mindset you gain when working with criminal defendants not color your decisions as a GAL in family court, especially considering that GALs are most often appointed on cases where there is domestic violence and so the children are at a minimum secondary victims.  How can someone switch back and forth between two vastly different sides without letting the work they do on the other side color their work?

Solitude is Essential

We live in a world surrounded by noise and distraction.  The TV is constantly on in the background.  We can't get enough music on our ipods.  Our phones are always at our fingertips no matter where we are and people expect us to answer them.  Laptops and tablets even travel with us.  Even as I type I'm sitting in our sun room enjoying the rain fall while writing this post on my laptop.  All this technology can be great at times but it has completely taken away our solitude.

All this constant noise gets to us on a subconscious level.  We need to completely unplug regularly and just listen to the quiet around us.  We need to turn the TV off at dinner and actually enjoy the meal.  We need to leave the ipod behind when we walk so we can hear the leaves rustling and the birds chirping.  We need to just sit in our gardens and enjoy the beauty of the plants and flowers.  We need to stop and smell the roses.

Try it.  Even just for 15 minutes.  You may be surprised at the calming effect it can have on you and how it can make the rest of your day go smoother.

The Good in People

Today I was reminded of the good in people that so often gets overshadowed by the bad in this world.  A woman was on the side of the road being grabbed by her husband and a random stranger drove by and saw.  That stranger made a U-turn and went back to the woman to see if she needed help.  The woman accepted his help and he took her to the police station.

We all need a "Listening Post"

Sigurd Olson created a retreat called the Listening Post.  He was a writer who felt the need to find solace in nature so he purchased 26 acres of undeveloped land (and later added 10 more acres) on Burntside Lake near Ely, MN.  He then searched for an old cabin and when he found one he had it disassembled and reassembled on the property (with a few modifications).  This is where he spent time and found his inspiration for some of his writings.  I first read about Sigurd Olson in Minnesota Conservation Volunteer which is an excellent magazine.  You can read the article here.  I think what we can all take from this article is that we need to take the time to listen and we need to each find a place where we can go to center ourselves.

State of Education

I try not to get political in my blog but I am so frustrated with the editorials and comments regarding education in WI.  For those that don't follow Wisconsin politics, our governor and legislature passed a bill that limits union negotiation power to salary alone (not working conditions, benefits, etc.) and requires that all unions re-certify.

In general, I do not believe unions play a very important role today, however in teaching they play a huge role.  In private business management has an invested interest in the success of the company and typically has a good knowledge-base of the industry.  In teaching, management is elected officials from the community who likely have no or very little knowledge of education and what it means to be a teacher.  Additionally, their interest is typically focused only on saving the taxpayers money (which unlike private business is not tied to creating a good product at all).  Allowing a union to negotiate, reminds those elected officials of the importance of also creating a good product.

With the passing of this bill, the general public (the ones with no knowledge of teaching) have come out in greater numbers than before bashing teachers, complaining they make to much and don't work very much at all.  What this does is discourage bright students who are considering going into teaching from ever entering the field and it encourages current teachers to leave the field.  Who would want to be in a field where every day you are hearing how awful teachers are and how they have such lavish benefits???  Add to that the difficulties that parents aren't interested in their children learning (either they are only interested in good grades or they don't care at all) and administrations who cater to parents by forcing teachers to lower standards so the kids can get higher grades and not supporting teachers with discipline problems.

This new bill like just about any new bill will take many years for the effects to be clear.  But we are already seeing lots of good teachers retiring, moving to the few districts that still value their teachers, or leaving the teaching profession all together.  What will this mean for our students?  What will the changes to class sizes and student learning conditions mean for our students?  Time will tell.

"Pick out the Immigrant"

Rep. Luis Gutierrez from IL gave an interesting speech regarding Arizona's immigration law and the recent Supreme Court ruling.  You can see it here.

Civil Gideon

Legal Action of Wisconsin has put together a motion packet for pro se individuals to use to request that the court appoint an attorney to represent them in a civil case.  A court appointed attorney is not a right in civil cases (like it is in criminal cases) but pro se individuals have the right to ask for one.

Low income individuals have very little luck finding legal representation and without representation, they have difficulty navigating the court system, the court system becomes more bogged up as judges need to waste time educating pro se individuals, and the results are often not favorable.  

The need for legal representation is even greater for victims of domestic violence because of the imbalance of power in the relationship, their lack of financial resources because of financial abuse, perpetrator's use of the court system to further control their victim, and the trauma the victim has experienced which often effects how she presents herself.  Add to all of that the costs associated with going through the court system (GAL fees, study fees, mediation fees, etc.) and the push in many counties to give parties 50/50 placement and joint custody even with the presence of domestic violence.  

Can we make the court system any more difficult for victims?  When will courts recognize the effects on children of domestic violence and make that a priority over parental rights?  When will courts recognize that most contested custody battles involve domestic violence and because of the perpetrator's focus on controlling the victim instead of the best interests of the children, GAL and studies are necessary?  When will courts recognize that the costs for such should be paid by the party causing the need for those things?  When will courts make a priority protecting children?

It's so frustrating to see courts ignore some very important tools for victims of domestic violence that are written right into the state statutes.  And it is so frustrating to watch clients go further and further in debt when all they want to do is protect their children.

So getting back to the topic of legal representation for indigent individuals in civil cases, I hope that courts see this as an opportunity to make the court process more fair and provide better access to our court system for indigent individuals but I fear that county budgets will instead be the focus at the expense of indigent individuals and at the expense of victims of domestic and sexual violence and their children.

How Churches can address domestic violence

The May issue of The Lutheran has a great article of the role churches can play in addressing domestic violence.  Many of our clients have a strong faith and turn to their church for support.  Some do a great job in supporting them, some focus so much on keeping the family together which can further endanger the victim.  For anyone in a leadership position in a church of any faith, I encourage you to find a copy of the article and read it.

Restraining orders/orders of protection

I have been going through the Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse Course as I posted about a few days ago.  Module XIII talks a lot about crafting orders of protection that address anything that might pull the parties back together such as the victim needing child support to care for the children, or the defendant/respondent wanting to see the children.  WI's restraining order laws prohibit including any orders besides orders prohibiting contact or further acts of domestic violence which is contrary to Illinois which includes placement and other family law orders in their restraining orders.

Before reading this module I was adamantly against restraining orders that included family law orders.  I worked with a woman once who was trying to get a restraining order here in WI after she had fled from IL and in the meantime, the father of her child filed for and obtained a temporary restraining order in IL gaining temporary placement of their child.  At the time I was frustrated with a system that would grant placement (even on a temporary basis) to a parent without even a hearing where both parents could provide evidence.

I also have lost much confidence in our court system when judges and commissioners make placement orders which give an abusive parent significant time and often make a schedule that maximizes the number of exchanges and thus the number of opportunities for the abusive parent to continue the abuse.  So I fear that in the context of a half hour restraining order hearing, a commissioner would not be able to gather enough evidence (especially when one or both parties are pro se) to make a good order about placement.

All that said, this Module makes some very good points about addressing all the things that pull parties back together.  With clear orders about how to exchange property, child support, and placement, the court is taking away respondents' excuses for initiating contact and can more easily hold the respondent accountable for violations.  So I don't know what to think.

The Law of the Garbage Truck by David J. Pollay

Click here to read about The Law of the Garbage Truck.  It takes a new perspective on life.  When I was at the DA's office, I saw this posted on someone's door and really liked it so thought I would share....  Enjoy!

Huge Responsibility of an Interpreter

After sitting through a court trial where one of the witnesses needed an interpreter I was reminded of the huge responsibility of an interpreter.  All it takes is one slight misinterpretation to throw off communication and in the case of a trial possibly affect the outcome.  Even the best of interpreters cannot be perfect so utilizing highly qualified interpreters doesn't even solve this problem.

Sexual Assaults

As sexual assault month and National Denim Day, it seems appropriate that today's post focus on sexual violence.  Today I received notice of a web course on sexual violence aimed at judges and the court system called Intimate Partner Sexual Abuse which I have started and found full of really good information.  (It is a free course available to anyone and if you don't have the time to go through it all, you can easily skip to the parts most interesting to you.)

In that web course there was a question that really got me thinking that I wanted to share:


When you are listening to a victim of intimate partner sexual abuse give her account on the stand, what questions do you ask yourself? Do you think to yourself, Why doesn't she just say 'no'? or Why doesn't she leave? Would you think to ask, Why doesn't he leave her alone?

Elevator Operators

Click here for an article on two of the last elevator operators in Milwaukee.  I used to work in this building and chatted with these two fellows daily.

The importance of self-care

I've been learning the significant importance of self-care when doing the work I do.  The amount of stuff thrown at me at any given time added to the very difficult stories I hear can make a person go crazy.  Fortunately spring is upon us, or at least it feels like it.  It's probably a bit early to think winter is over but the temps in the 60s and 70s are wonderful.  So planning of my garden has begun and this past weekend I was able to start some plants from seed in my sun room and spend some time in the garden plot digging out weeds and old plants.  I think I spent 5 hours outside on Sunday alone.  Gardening I'm discovering is a great de-stresser for me just like hanging laundry outside (which I also did this weekend).  I was amazed at how relaxed I was going into work on Monday.

Now every morning, I walk through my sunroom looking for sprouts and in the evening spend more time watering and just enjoying them.  I also set up my composter that my parents bought me for Christmas.  And it is fun to spin, so that has become a part of my daily evening routine.

Anyway, just thought I would share a few of my de-stressers.  I hope all of you have found ways to take care of yourself.

Children see. Children do.

This video clip speaks for itself.

Child Abuse and Neglect Cost the United States $124 Billion

Click on the title of this post to read the press release put out by CDC on how much child abuse and neglect costs our nation. If the effect child abuse has on children isn't reason enough to step in and change things, the cost to our health care, legal, and social services systems should make every taxpayer want to act.

Our systems are so reactive and do little to prevent it from happening in the first place. Social services is hesitant to remove a child because they are so focused on keeping the family together and so further abuse happens. Family courts need hard proof of serious abuse happening before they even considered supervised placement or hold opens on placement for the abusive parents. As unfair as this may sound, we need to stop giving second (and third and fourth and fifth, etc.) chances when the safety of children are involved. And we need to look at the statistics that say a parent who is abusive towards the other parent is far more likely to be abusive towards the children. Our children deserve better. And parents' rights should not be put above children's needs and rights.

Listen carefully

Advocates for victims of domestic violence can be so passionate, myself included, that we sometimes forget to listen.  No one knows their abuser like the victim him/herself.  What we think to be best for a victim might further endanger a victim.  What we suggest may not be something the victim is comfortable with.  And regardless of whether the victim asks directly "What do you think I should do?" they may be listening very carefully to what we are saying and reply with what they think we want to hear.

It's important that we sit back and listen more and talk less.  It's important that we don't dictate solutions but help victims come up with their own solutions.  It's important that we remember that not all victims are ready to separate from the abuser for many reasons.  It's important that we listen.

Defensive wounds

Unless they are 2 years old, people don't just go out and bite people so it is always troubling when I hear cases where the police arrested someone for biting the other person or worse, charge them with a crime for biting someone. Bite marks and usually scratches are defensive wounds typically in reaction to being strangled or physically restrained. I really wish that when police heard the allegation that someone bit them, they would take the time to figure out why.